I often wonder about the decisions we sometimes have to make, the difficult ones that often leave someone else hurting. It’s never easy when faced with a choice between self and other, especially where the ‘other’ is as highly prized as self. No one wants to be the one who walks away. Still, there are some relationships that prove to us over time that they are not the best thing for us. We can love our partners or friends dearly with every fiber of our being and they can love us equally too, but if staying means we will be forever unhappy or forever hurting then a tough decision has to be made, whether for self-sacrifice or self-preservation. This, of course, is always easier said than done. Where hearts are involved these things are never simple. There will be some amount of push and pull, some indecision; a desire to have it both ways, to keep the lover you have and get the relationship you want, even where these two are mutually exclusive.

It is easy to fall victim to other people’s desires, hopes, and dreams, to become that person who lives life according to the desires of others, never taking time to find out what suits you. I know many persons who have stayed in unfulfilling, directionless relationships, stewing in discomfort and unhappiness too afraid to walk away and I always wonder why. But this I’ve come to discover. Starting over is hard. No one wants to admit that the last two or three years were for nothing; no one wants to be labeled a quitter. What baffles me most though is why we do not believe we are worth it. Why do we think it’s ok to stay where we don’t feel loved, wanted or appreciated? Why do we think it’s ok to settle for a life of misery simply because we love or are in love? Why the need to play martyr and indulge in self-sacrifice?

It takes courage to walk away; to allow yourself the privilege or right to move on and find the love and relationship you desire. It also takes conviction. In the face of begging and pleading, tears and sometimes insults, advice from people who mean well but haven’t the slightest inkling as to the struggles going on in the deepest recesses of our souls we sometimes cower and consider the possibility of staying the dismal course, in the interest of someone other than our self. Call me selfish but I refuse to be satisfied or content with any situation or relationship that does not have my best interest at heart. I want to be happy. Not only do I want it but I know I deserve it, and to that end I am now comfortable with the idea of walking away where necessary. The mistake we often make is to think that walking away means we never loved or no longer love or that we are fickle and lack character. Sometimes walking away is the best gift we can give ourselves (and sometimes the other person). Walking away doesn’t necessarily mean the other person is horrible; it simply means they are not what you need to nurture your total being and find your happy. And walking away from that should be ok.